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Remember Back When.....


Mackenzie sent me this picture the other day and I almost died, lol. Today, I asked a lot of people for a blog topic and I chose to talk about something that Mackenzie and I are talking about as we speak, accepting the past, the present, and possibilities of the future. Mackenzie and I are twins in a way because we were dealt the same life cards in a sense: same birthday, same schools, starting long term relationships at the same time, both lost those long term relationships, both opinionated, and we bring the life out of each other. Literally like salt and pepper, or peanut butter and jelly if you will. Today, we related to each other in a sense where we accepted our life outcomes. And through talking with her, I had a chance to reflect back on my life and realize how unknowingly naïve we could be at our early stages of being teenagers. In that picture, I was a sophomore in high school, first semester with my ex-boyfriend with all the hopes in the world at that moment that we would last. You see, we have this crazy level of confidence around this time period as teens where we convince ourselves that, despite parents saying we know nothing about nothing, WE KNOW ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. We experiment and sneak around because we say that we know what is best for ourselves, not our parents because they couldn't possibly understand, right? I just look back on all those times, today, and wish that I could stop myself and engrave it in my head that I do not know everything. Kenzie and I reflected today on all of this and it just hit us how our lives are nothing like we so heavily planned them to be. Those years worth of a relationship that we had, were meant to turn into marriage and kids, which would spiral into houses in the same neighborhoods with kids that grew up to be the best of friends like all of us. We did not expect to have to erase all those plans just to be single and trying to figure it out, or a mother with a daughter whose father just cannot get it together. Life is not what we thought it would be, nor how we planned it to be, and I just realized that I am getting into the nit and grit of being an adult. My grandparents, my parents, aunts and uncles, everyone older than me would always say that I could plan my life out to a tee and say this or that is going to happen, but just because I want it, does not mean that I could have it. I could want marriage, the house with the high white fence, or the soccer team filled with kids, but God could have a completely different plan. Maybe I will be married, but cannot have kids. Or, maybe I wont get married, but I will have a life filled with endless traveling... Or maybe I just might not live long enough to see any of it. I just do not know. I remember back when I would draw houses on scratch paper as a kid filling the rooms with names and descriptions of all the kids that belonged to each room. I remember daydreaming and fantasizing about what my husband would be like and how he would propose to me. Hell, sometimes I still have those dreams and fantasies.... but as an adult, the tough thing for me to come to terms with is the fact that I just might not get any of the things that I so heavily want. I think both Mackenzie and I had these realizations today, and, the most beautiful thing about it all is that she has a beautiful child to pass all this wisdom along to.

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