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PEACE.


Man, I love my life despite the obstacles that I may face, especially when everything starts falling into place. And right now, everything is falling into place. See, I have this bad habit of questioning why God does some of the things that he does because, like most of us may think sometimes, why does my life have to be hard all the time? When will I get a break from pain, embarrassment, complications? When will I just get a long period of wins and happiness? We always have an outdoor seat to what is going on in the next person's life, and we tend to believe that some people have it better than us, but we just might have it the same way, if not better. I have been blessed lately. I have been blessed with the presence of a friendship that I thought I lost that was rekindled over time. You see, God was doing something months ago when he started showing Mackenzie to me in small pieces ... and I never understood why then because I guess that I was not ready to see it. But, now I understand that he separated us for a reason to come back stronger than we were before and I recognized that the love that we have for each other was never lost. I found myself in a whirlwind once again in this thing that we call life, but through getting that friendship back, my whirlwind kind of slowed because that familiarity and consistency was exactly what I needed. At Missouri Western, I have never had the chance to really find my place here throughout my college experience, and maybe I never will... but it is through my friendships, relationships, and things back home where I find my PEACE and happiness. That friendship, reminded me of everything that was real and what I am experiencing down here no longer seems to matter, anymore. I was just about to fall.... getting annoyed by being someone that everyone judges in a town that I do not know. I was just about to fall dating someone that tears my heart apart. I was just about to fall.... coming to terms with the fact that my life just might not be what I expected it to be..... but, that is completely okay. It is okay that I might not be married when I planned, a nurse like I planned, a mother at a certain time like I planned because I guess God just is not done building me, lol. I came to terms with the fact that I might not have found the man that I wanted at this point because he isn't done teaching me all that a man is and instilling in me all that I deserve. I might have not kept certain family or friends in my life because they just were not fit enough to hang with me through my entire life journey. Because, quite frankly, the vibrant personalities that I have in my life now take the place of all those people put together. I might cry here and there, but I am happy with my life at this point because it is feeling a lot closer to the end of a complicated chapter in my life. College was the most challenging part of life thus far, and people really are right when they say that it changes you either for the good or the bad. I am closing my junior year of college at peace, despite stressing and despite crying, because next school year will be better. I am at peace because I am walking away with straight A's, and some aspect of consistency in my life SOMEWHERE. I am happy with who I am and where I am going at this point in life because I am seeing the outcomes of all that I was supposed to have learned a long time ago. When you actually sit back and pay attention to the signs that God is trying to give and make the changes necessary to be and do better..... I learn that you'll get some type of peace. And.... here I lay in my bed at 1:41am, alone.... at PEACE. 
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