Skip to main content

College Difficulties: Dropping Out...


I go through it and people don’t even notice. I keep a smile on my face and help everyone else around me fight their battles when I need help too. And maybe there’s some blame placed on me because I have too much pride to ask for help.... but the point is, people don’t notice. I’m way past crying over everything, getting mad over everything.... I’m just tired. When I stay up all night talking to people about their problems, drive at 4am just to be by someone’s side that wouldn’t do the same for me.... there’s a problem. Everyone looks towards me to be strong and give them the advice to move forward, but we’re both learning about this thing called life together. For example..... it’s easy to tell a drunk to put down a bottle, but how the hell can I tell them if being a drunk isn’t my life. I’ve been on edge my whole junior year and people take light to it when I say that I walk around this school miserable because I never wanted to be here. I never loved it here, my support systems aren’t here, and nothing or no one down here is real. I had a conversation on Facebook today about the challenges we face in college, and I remember saying that there is no amount of preparation that you could do when it comes to college. They tell you that college is great and that you NEED to go, but no one tells you the reasons why you shouldn’t. The truth was sugarcoated all throughout my life and I thought college was going to be when I blossomed, but I can’t really say that I did. I have periods of growth and then I have periods of deterioration and most times, I get so sick and tired of falling that I just don’t want to stand back up again. I lay in my bed tonight slightly weakened because I just cannot find the motivation to get back up again. College was always a goal of mine, but I lost the drive throughout my junior year to want to finish. I get disgusted by the books, the classes, the university as a whole, the people within it..... I just no longer value college. I want to finish for the sake of stability later on in life, but I have my moments when I ask myself “Is it really worth it?”. Not choosing a college for me was the worst decision that I could have ever made because I have no positive memories here solely based on myself. I never got the chance to be somebody in a way that I imagined in high school. I never got that chance to blossom because the perception of me on this campus was already shot the moment I got here. It continues to be shot because of the people that I meet. I find it funny how you meet people that appear to be genuine and positive, and then the moment you open up.... just the slightest bit, they start moving funny. People coming into my life and moving funny is one of the main distractions that knocks me off my game because of all the stress and drama that may cause. I want to genuinely be happy my last year in college, but I don’t see that happening here. I don’t want to be happy for a month or a week, I just pray everyday for that one long period in my life where there is nothing to stress about, nothing to harm me, to break my heart.... none of that. Am I the only one who gets that little thought in their mind about dropping out?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Popular Posts

Girl friendssssss !!!!

Girlfriends was by far one of the best television shows that I grew up watching, and still watch to this day... and when I think about the type of women/social circle that I would like to be around, Joan, Toni, Mya, and Lynn is exactly what it would look like. I remember starting off the sixth grade and traveling up until high school with a huge social circle filled with all these different types of girls and young women with varied personalities, values, and beliefs. Throughout that time, my social circle remained large, but there were some tweaks here and there and some people were not meant to last. What I mean is, we outgrow some relationships, we drain out some relationships, and we sometimes stop putting forth the effort to keep up effective relationships. Over the course of those years, I developed a lot of meaningful relationships and developed a slight sense of what type of people I wanted to be surrounded by. One of the major adjustments that I had throughout graduat
Post a Comment
Read more

Facebook Chronicles.

My post had over 250 comments and 18 shares as of writing this blog. So, all different types of men come in my dms messaging me with different purposes. I've gotten nudes in my messages, wanna-be thugs, nerds, mixtapes, drama, and all these other things in my messages, but today was the ultimate breaking point for me. This guy, who has been trying to get with me for years, came in my messages trying to talk to me, which I denied, and he in return got potty within the mouth and said some disrespectful things to me. There were a few reasons why I shared the messages on Facebook and Snapchat that I really want to share. For starters, there are right and wrong ways to approach women when you come in their direct messages. I don't know how other people were raised, but meeting and talking to people online is already something sketchy because you don't really have a sure perception of how this person is through something where we can be who we want to be. Behind computer scr
Post a Comment
Read more

How Do You Go About Letting People Go?

The past few days, people have been trying me, yet I have provided them with opportunities to change that. Today, I decided to take the initiative to cut off my "best friend" due to her no longer being fit to have that role anymore. Was the decision hard? Far from it. I say that... if you allow people the opportunity to come back into your life from a previous mishap, and they did not learn from it from not having you present in their life then, then they are not fit to be a part of your life. I do not grieve over losses of people in that manner anymore because I make decisions that are going to be best for me. If it is best for me to cut ties with people that I have known for years, so be it. Whether it is friends, family, whoever... because you will not have a place in my life where you choose to be toxic. We are not going to speak on the countless nights where you called and I was the only one there to talk to. We are not going to speak on how you questioned whether you w
Post a Comment
Read more