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"Crazy" From A Woman's Perspective...

What woman hasn't been called crazy by the man that caused her harm? Is this label really anything new? I came to just accept it a long time ago because we live in a world where people are going to judge you fairly or unfairly whether you appreciate it or not. I have been called crazy since my freshman year of high school simply for stating my opinion to little boys that called themselves being players. You see, they can do whatever they want to do... but in return, we cannot respond freely to it? We find out you're cheating and then we cry and yell trying to determine why and then BOOM, we're crazy. We storm behind you as you try to run from the truth as we search for it and then we're even more crazy. It literally makes no sense. We are victims of being more in tune with and expressive of our emotions. I have been driven by this label a few times, but there was only one time where I actually let it control me. I have no problem taking responsibility for my mistakes. My freshman year of college, I chose my relationship over my family just for my relationship to end due to experimentation. I tried to have restraint, but imagine the anger and acrimony that I had to go through all over that just to be left behind. In a new school that was for him, known by people because of him, everything was literally about him and breathing his air just for him to leave my ass high and dry for someone that would give it to him easy. So, stereotypically, eighteen year old Briahna played all the songs to hype me up to be angry and to be mad. You know, Bust Your Windows? Fumble? Just emotionally draining and pathetic songs and as I sang with those artists and cried.... I sat on my dorm floor and cut up every ounce of clothing, all pictures, any shred of that man..... I cut over and over and ripped left and right because I WANTED to be mad at that moment. And... you have this other persona of you talking in your head hyping you up telling you to find any way to hurt this man because no the hell he didn't just leave? Does he know who the hell you are and what the hell you have done for him? Doing all his college applications, essays, doing his homework, taking care of this man like he didn't have a damn mother and he wants to leave? DAMAGE HIS SHIT. Pain and embarrassment can lead you to do a lot of things that you may not predict that you'll do when you are in a clear state of mind. The young me wanted to be a bitch about him and cut him deep, even though I didn't understand in that moment that my actions did not solve anything. I was wrong. No matter what he put me through, I was in the wrong for now making the situation worse. And then.... there it goes around that Briahna is crazy, lol. It just blows my mind how we are expected to always act cool when people are disrespecting us, cheating on us, just overall doing things that they KNOW is not okay. Half the time, men KNOW what is crossing the line, hence, why they sneak to do the shit. We should be allowed a few slip ups in our lifetime to curse a man out all day or whatever because we go through so much. I hear so many stories from women and we just endure so much and are expected to always have it together. Some of us, if you learn that your man is at a hotel in this room with a woman for sure.... will definitely get in that car and pop up. And on the way, we either are having that angry music on, or we're talking to ourselves. "No that muthafucka ain't in a hotel room while I'm at home waiting on his ass..." or "Imma drag both of they asses as soon as he opens that door, he got me messed up.." We are victims of our own emotions sometimes and it can sometimes get out of hand. And at the end of the day, we embarrass ourselves getting out of character for people that just are not worth it. And sometimes, taking the high road doesn't even matter because you just want for that person so badly to feel how you feel. We search through your phone for answers because you gave us reason to, but we're crazy. We leave a few minutes after you just to follow you somewhere that you have no business being, because you left suspiciously. We....break a few glasses in the sink because we just learned that you cheated and she might be pregnant. All that we are put through... and we're expected to be cool and just take it because you said sorry for the millionth time?
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