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Currently Watching Love Develop...


I think I'm falling for you, and I say that with the absolute most fear throughout my entire body because I don't completely trust you. I think that my heart is slowly coming out of my body and being gravitated toward your hands over the course of time and I cant help but let it. You're the man that I can see it all with, but I question all the time whether it is safe to allow myself to enter into a stage of love with you because you cant even love yourself properly. I watch you struggle to balance your own life every day and I try to figure out how my own life can be meshed into yours when you live in a maze. But... who am to determined what you can handle? And how do I know that me coming into your life could actually be a positive thing? That one thing that actually supplies you with balance. I wake up every morning, and go to sleep every night with you on my mind, and it did not start off that way. I get in my car and drive to get food and I call and wonder if you have ate... if you are good. I have gotten my feelings so tied up into you that things just wouldn't be right for me if there was not a smile on your face at every second of the day. It's happening. I have met other dudes before and managed to put limitations on my feelings towards them, but with you... God isn't allowing that to happen. I am feeling everything when it comes to you and I am scared, but I keep letting it happen. It is like, I am sitting on the sidelines outside of myself, looking at me and you and watching myself fall for you more and more every day. When you say that you're coming home to me... home with me is what I want to be something that is there for you and me eternally. When I watch you snort as you sleep and jerk throughout the night, with that one hand on my thigh, I smile up until I close my eyes because I want that feeling and that moment all my life. Love is near, love is coming, and love is possible and I can't tell you enough how scared that I am for it. I am scared because... you drag your feet on commitment because you are scared like me, but whose to say that the fear wont be eliminated the moment we officially come together? We're scared of getting hurt by one another, but if you got me, then I got you and that fear will then no longer matter. I jump at your texts, I scream at knowing you're at my door... I simply just never thought that I would get this feeling again. I never predicted that I will experience love again, but it is sneaking up on me with you. I cannot say that I love you, but what I can say that it is possible when I look into the future with you. I have never had the chance to sit back and actually watch myself fall for someone, day by day, step by step, but I have the chance to see that with you and I think that is a blessing. I think that I am seeing this process in the way that I am because there is a great outcome for me in the end. Sorry, not me... us, in the end. I think that, although you are scared of me and all that I can be in your life, you're trying to find balance in your own life before presenting yourself to me because you always try to be perfect. But, I really don't need you to be. All I want is you ... with me. All I want is the laughs that we share over our private affairs, or the late night cuddles where we attempt to watch movies, but you fall asleep in the first five minutes. All I want is the dates where we just go out to eat and disagree over who gets the bill... I just want, you. 
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