The most important part about experiencing pain is, not only figuring out the source of where it came from, but in my eyes... figuring out my role in it as well and taking responsibility for it. Did I contribute to causing myself this pain? For some of the pain that I have experienced, maybe if I had thought a bit longer about the situation before it happened, or communicated better... there would not have been any pain at all. Maybe if I acted my age in the situation, it wouldn't have happened at all. Let me elaborate... A young woman, freshly single reignites a relationship with an old flame that she dismissed years ago. They talk for a few weeks, and she doesn't quite fall for him, but she is interested enough to share herself with him because she hadn't experienced anyone else but one before him. Prior to her coming back for break from college, they discuss meeting up and going out on a date. He spoke kindly and promising, and something in her trusted this guy. One of the key things to recognize here is her sense of vulnerability and quick ability to trust directly after her previous relationship has ended. So, she gets back home and finds herself nervous, yet optimistic to go out with this guy. She feels as if she knows him since they have history and since they have spent every night for weeks talking on the phone (note mistake two). On the day of the date, she spends hours changing outfits and altering between different hair arrangements just to impress this guy. She is optimistic that she might have found someone worth her time since her last relationship and she convinces herself that she is ready. They go out on a date and the date is decent, proper communication, eye contact, and just the appropriate amount of hand to hand interaction. After they leave, he stops by a Motel and they decide to enter... fast forward a bit, she finds herself hours later scrambling between Walgreens locations trying to find a Plan B because of her first irresponsible sexual encounter. The pill was taken and the day after, she hears nothing from this guy. This guy that had been her friend, that had been trusted, that had been given the rare opportunity that other guys hadn't. He blocks her, he avoids her, he ignores her as if she was in the wrong because he assumed that she would be pregnant regardless of her taking the pill... That pain there was like no other because it was another type of rejection that I had faced. It was another experience where a man turned his back on me and treated me like the dirt underneath his shoes. You got the fluff of the story, but it followed me and still follows me to this day. I was not the crazy type to spazz on him and blow him up... I was not the whiny type to cry and beg to him to answer a call.. I took in that experience and dealt with it the best way that I can, which was accepting my part, learning from it, and never making that mistake again. My guy bestfriend was the only one there that could attest to the amount of fear that I had in me thinking about what type of mother I would be at that age. I took the pill, but I was still shook because, that guy had walked out on me, and if I had been pregnant, I would have been a single mother that I believe would not have been a good mom. That pain was one that I'd always carry because I placed myself in a position to where I could have brought a child into this world with a mother that probably would not have been good enough for them....
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