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14 Months: Counting Down Til Graduation!


In fourteen months, I will be walking across a stage in front dozens of dozens of people to receive my Bachelor's of Science in Population Health Management (Human Health emphasis) and I am sitting up at a stand-still thinking OH SHIT! What the hell am I going to do? My life is about to re-start again for the fifth time, I am ready, yet terrified. When I said my life is about to re-start again, I feel like I should elaborate. Every time that I changed schools, I saw it as an opportunity to re-start who I was, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted. There was the transition from preschool to elementary, elementary to middle, middle to high school, and then high school to college.... now I am at the transition of college to college part two plus major adult life. See, I am not in a rush any longer to speed up being an adult because I didn't enjoy my years of being a child long enough. Understand that I was the smart ass fifteen year old a few years ago that always told my parents that I couldn't wait until I was grown so that I could do whatever I wanted. When I say that adult life is overrated and I am begging time to slow the hell down! I am even more scared than ever at this point because everything that I planned for over the past few years is about to come into effect. I am no longer about to be working temporary jobs to meet basic needs like car insurance and dorm needs, I am about to move into a career that I intend to be in for a lifetime with intentions of it providing for, not only me, but a family. You see, most people my age have already tried to move out on their own and speed up their adulting process, but me... I'm real enough with myself to understand that I am not ready. Some people my age have been successful with it, while others have not and I never had intentions of moving out on my own just to move back home due to not being able to provide for myself. I always had intentions of graduating with my Bachelors, spending a year and a half after that saving up money, and then moving out on my own... because again, THERE IS NO RUSH. Although this may be a small thing to some people, moving on my own has also been terrifying for me for the simple fact that I will be ALONE, lol. I have always had this fear of being stalked or someone breaking in or something, and although people take light to it, these things happen every day and of course I don't want it to happen to me. I am scared for the small things, like.... I don't touch spiders or insects of any sort and who will get them for me when that time comes? I stress over the small and big things, and 14 months? I'm just not ready. Once graduation hits, its just like....BOOM degree,  BOOM career, BOOM car note, BOOM apartment/house, then all these other things that I know NOTHING about. Like, when the hell do I get life insurance? I've been asking adults that question for years and not one adult can give me a direct answer and even though I realistically am prepared to enter this new stage, I feel highly unprepared. In 14 months, all I've been touching base on is my fears... but I actually am quite excited. I was never satisfied with my college choice, so in 14 plus months... I have the opportunity to really find another institution meant for me without complications. What I mean is, I don't have to choose a college based on the fact that "my boyfriend cannot make good enough grades for it"... I can choose something for ME when I look at grad schools. I am excited to wear heels that I have gotten oh-so-comfortable walking in across this small stage that appears so big to get a degree that will forever mean the world to me. I am excited to have my grandparents in the crowd cheering for me as I shed a few tears because, damn it, college is hard. Whoever said that college was easy lied to you because it was by far one of the hardest things that I will conquer. It is simply an understatement to say "I made it." once that day comes. 14 Months....I'm counting down til graduation. 

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