So, if you know me... you know how hard it has always been for me to talk to my parents. Whether the conversation is simple or complex, I just have a hard time talking to them because I always had the perception that they just do not understand. This past Saturday, I stood in the kitchen for hours and tried talking to them, and somewhere within that conversation, I put my pride aside and let my parents know that they had been right about things that I fought them so hard on. It took a heartbreak to admit they were right, but it is important that I got it now. So, my parents told me at fifteen when I met Allen that it was not going to work. They told me to leave him alone and that boys will be boys and they will entertain other women and I fought them so hard on it and said, "Not him!". I let him copy my homework, babied him through high school, prepped him for college, left behind private university offers just to follow him and end up at a school that I cant stand just for me to learn through all that hard work and sacrifice that they were right. Everything that I am telling you now is what I told them and this moment was huge for me because they LISTENED. My parents did not pass judgment like they used to, they understood me and what I said when I explained my heartbreak and gave me the perfect advice. Above everything, they always recommended that I stay alone and get my career together first and the one would come to me, but if I do choose to date, date smart. I showed this picture above to my parents when they asked if I was talking to somebody, and Lord, again, if you know my parents, you know this is HUGE. But anyways, lol... I showed them this handsome piece of chocolate and they asked the questions that I ask when I meet these men. What does he do? How old is he? What does he have to offer? How does he treat you? Although there is an age difference, they really didn't seem to care about that... but what they did care about was whether or not he was fit to be with the queen that they raised me to be. I stood there for hours telling them about all the men I have dated since my ex and explained to them that the experiences that I've had are why I have not just hopped into another relationship. I've had the clingy, the crazy, the "go with the flow" type, and Lord.... the "I'm still in love with my ex, but I wanna be with you, too" types as well. They listened to it all and just kept telling me to be by myself. Because, the type of woman that I am and the things that I have to offer to these BOYS are beyond what they are ready to have at these points in their lives. I am coming in with these wife-like qualities that they thought they were prepared for, but they aren't. They said.... my body isn't for everybody, which they raised me to already understand. They said.... make sure he opens all doors for you and don't move until he does, and I still look for that. They asked, why did I stay with someone that put me in a position to compete for his attention, heart, and between his mother and that was why I left that situation. I was hard-headed as a child because I simply didn't want to believe that my parents could understand the problems that I faced, but they get it. They understood when I said that I got my heartbroken and I cannot trust like I used to, but I try. They understand why I say that dating is hard, but I still put in the work. They understand when I say that... I cannot stay with someone that always has excuses because I don't make any for why I cannot do this or that to make a person happy. Through our conversation, I think it was a breakthrough because I understood that my parents really did SEE ME and they understood that I really was listening, it just took me some time to grasp it. Aaron, is the new apple of my eye, no need to hide or seclude it because I have had enough of my situations being hidden. I pray for all unions that come my way to work, including this one, and it means everything to have the blessings from my parents to cautiously pursue it. I.... got to close the chapter to a lot of unwritten chapters through bonding with my parents over dating talk, and I feel like I can talk to them about just about anything now because this was one of our biggest setbacks. I could tell them that I loved the wrong people and they could get it without calling me foolish... and, what they did tell me, though, that stuck with me after all of that talking was that, I have to develop tougher skin. I thought I already had tough skin, but my mother said, I have a lot more to endure in life and this is just the "easy" beginning and I have to be prepared for what comes next. She said that there will be more heartbreaks to come, and it has. Another man just did break my heart, but I pushed through it. My dad said, to date if I want to, but consider taking the time to focus on me and don't go searching for anyone because when it is right, it is right and it doesn't require any chasing and deterioration of myself in order to get it. It doesn't require embarrassment, pain, or negativity in general in order to get what it is that I am yearning for. It can all wait. That fine man up there, I didn't pursue him. I didn't chase after him, start anything with him.. I in return let it all come to me and I move how I move and don't rush anything. I loved that conversation with my parents, and hell, I finally meant it when I said that all those little men that fucked up with me.... it was THEIR loss.
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