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2 am.

As I walk in the house at 2 am... and take off my clothes and get into something comfortable, I think back on how much fun I had. I think back on how much fun I have BEEN having and I lay down with this smile on my face because the way that I am living my life right now is pretty damn satisfying to me. I was deprived as a child of having the opportunity to do the things that the other kids did. For example, the frequent sleepovers with friends, the co-ed outings to places, entertaining boys, and some other things that my parents were in the right for not wanting me to do. Me and my sister really couldn't have or attend sleepovers because my parents questioned the parenting of the other kid's parents, the co-ed outings were out of question because what business did I have hanging out with boys, and the entertaining of the opposite sex was way out of question because I could not date until I was out of the house. Not having the opportunity to take part in these things without having to sneak made my life pretty boring for the most part, and it was not until I hit college that I really starting having fun. It was around 2am, my freshman year of college when I first experienced the hookah bar. It was around 2am of this past New Years where I first drank New Amsterdam and realized that I would never touch another bottle of it again, lol. It was at 2am of this past year of college where I finally got out and experienced a college frat party. It was at 2am that I left the loop looking like the woman in the above picture with my girlfriends from a night of fun and it was at 2am that I just left my boo after a night filled with kisses and laughter. This specific time frame is when I had multiple opportunities to LIVE, yet multiple opportunities to make those mistakes that I probably still regret to this day, but learned the most from. At this point in my life, I have been having a lot of fun. I left my junior year of college back in Saint Joseph, MO along with the mistakes and problems that came along with that year and area, and told myself that this summer was going to be great for me. There would be no question, no hesitation, no excuses... my summer before my senior year was going to be memorable and I was going to LIVE for myself. The people around me know that I sometimes have a tendency of getting too wrapped up in people and losing sight in myself throughout the process, and... I recognized that well before I left Saint Joe. I did not want to spend another summer cooped up in the house on the phone all day. Or, another summer just working day in and day out, yet still staying broke. I was determined to make a change and create some memories, and I have. I work a lot this summer, but I make up for the blandness in the steak by adding some SPICE to it. I make it a habit of scheduling outings with my friends and boo in because we spend too much time in the house missing out on new experiences and the wonderful world around us. Me living for myself includes doing the things that I never got to do, like.. horseback riding, going to the Flying Spider, trying new places to eat, getting my first tattoo.... and many other things that I probably wouldn't consider doing before. At 2am, I had a conversation with Aaron about my wants and expectations when it comes to him trying to enter my life. What that is - is intellectual conversation that was best had in the wee hours wrapped up in each other's arms. I am having fun this summer because... I stated that I would put myself first, and I meant it and lived by it. I am having fun this summer because ... I date occasionally and drop one and pick up another when I am left unsatisfied, lol. And... I have girlfriends that are down the do just about anything so that we can take our minds away from the men that stress us out so much. I am having fun because, I am embarrassing myself through living joyously and not regretting it because the happiness that I am feeling is long overdue and well-deserved. 
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