Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

My dad was the very first man to have my heart. I literally have no other considerations, options, or questioning of any other man that could have possibly held my heart before him. I don't quite remember the age, I just know that I was young... and me and my family were staying in the city in the apartments across from the dome. This was back when the Barbie chargeable/electronic cars were popular and my dad would let me and my sister ride it around the neighborhood with him trailing behind us. But, anyways, I gave my heart to my father on one particular day. I remember my mother was in the kitchen and I said something along the lines of going to ask him if he could be my father, too. Because, who some may refer to as my stepdad because he is biologically tied to my sister, but not me, I have never seen my dad as that. Back to the story, my mother told me to go ahead and I remember my dad was standing by the dresser and I asked him if he would be my father and he said yes. I don't think either of my parents remember as vividly as I do, but it was an important part in my life for me. Although we have our difficulties, I am extremely grateful for my father because he took on responsibilities that he did not have to. He did not have to take me in, to be there for my accomplishments, care enough to give me those classic lectures that I still carry on... he did not have to do those things, but he cared enough to do so. He loved me enough to do so as well. Michael, who you will never hear me refer to as my father, was never really present. And, when he had the opportunity to be present, he never took it upon himself to establish a relationship with me. It was as if he was comfortable with letting another man take on the job that he signed up to do. When I look back on my graduation, my proms, my concerts, anything that I took part in.... my father was the one that was there sending me off, congratulating me, wishing me well and to be safe, and giving me a hug and sending me off. I love my dad. My upbringing with my dad was a lengthy and challenging one that I never got to understand until our relationship was somewhat tested. I grew up feeling as if he never understood how I felt or what I was going through, but in all actuality, it was me that still had things to learn in order for me to understand that I am the one that does not understand. It was me that did not understand that he was yelling and lecturing with intentions of protecting me and leading me in the right direction, versus just trying to keep me from living. When he yelled at me about boys and the decisions I made regarding boys, I excluded the fact in my mind that he once was one, lol. And that little lesson right there, it took a heart break for me to learn it. It took sitting up in a dorm room crying to sit up and think "Wow, my dad was right this whole time." And, it was challenging for me to even admit that because if it was one thing that I wanted to be right about in all the things me and my dad disagreed on, it was definitely my interaction with Allen. I used to think that my dad got some type of satisfaction out of proving me wrong and seeing my fail, but that was never the case and I spent so much time have improper impressions of a man that was just trying to lead a curious teenager down the right direction. They say that, girls grow up to date men like their fathers, while boys look for women similar to their mothers, and I don't think I will luck up enough to get a man as loving and hardworking as my father. No one can compare to who and how he is and I'd be grateful enough to have at least some of those characteristics in that person that I meet. It took a long time for me to admit to myself that I had a lot of fault in how me and my dad fell in our relationship, sometimes, but I'm happy enough to even say that I can admit it. And, before I could apologize for my faults and admit it to my father, admitting it to myself was the primary thing. Pride is extremely high in my family, so that was a challenge, but today I want to say that I am sorry. For, the headaches that I caused through my rebellion. For, the stress that I caused through not listening. For, the disappointment that I caused when you had to inflict punishments upon me for being an ass. I apologize, and I think that is perfectly said on such a special day.... Happy Father's Day and I love you, Dad.