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To My Sissy ...


I remember back when I used to give you wedgies whenever mom and dad would leave us home alone together. Or... I remember back when it would storm late at night, and in the middle of my sleep, I would hear your feet tip toe into my room and you sneaking into my bed. It was something about you always coming into my room and sleeping in my bed that made me really feel like a big sister because you left your own room to get away from the storm, but the irony was that my room had some of the biggest windows and you actually moved even closer to the storm by being in there with me. I remember... us banging on the walls in the kitchen over the summer when mom and dad were at work and making up raps and rapping for hours. Tomorrow, my little bug-a-boo and firecracker graduates and I'm having mixed emotions about it. When I look at you, sister, I look at you as that little chocolate girl with the braids and clear beads. It blows my mind to see you develop curves and boobs and talk about boys and all these other things because its hard for me to see adulthood develop into you. I tell you all the journeys that I have embarked upon, and some you have been able to stand by my side through, and I guess I am a bit scared that some of the lessons that I have learned might not have passed down to you. As far as the boys, I understand that you have a lot more lessons to learn and challenges to come, but I just hope that you take note from the situations that might have been placed upon me. I hope that, when you go to college, you find yourself, baby sister, instead of losing yourself because you should be determined to do and be better than me. I am nervous to see you cross across that stage because it just seems like you'll no longer be a kid anymore after that moment. You drive, you're intrigued by boys, you're going to college, you're pursuing a degree, you're looking like a woman and your big sister just is not ready. When you listen to my stories and watch the things that I do, because I know that you do.... I hope that you watch harder and listen more when I tell you what NOT to do. The best thing about being a big sister is getting the opportunity to take on the hard stuff before you in hopes of preventing you from experiencing those hardships like I did. The best thing about being a big sister is being able to knock you out a little when I see you making mistakes when I know I taught you better. The best thing about being a big sister is having those memories of you coming to me about your problems because you feel safe coming to me. I selfishly don't want you to cross that stage just yet because .... I cant fathom you not being my little Jay anymore. I cant look at you in heels and 22 inch weave instead of barrettes in your head. I'm not ready to imagine you with my nieces and nephews, with a house of your own, a career.... I just really want you to stay a kid because that is all I know. Mom and Dad definitely have something to be proud of, but your big sister is even more proud of you. I remember back when school wasn't your forte, now you're enrolled in college. I remember sitting up helping you with your homework, giving you lectures on taking college seriously, telling you my college stories... I remember it all and you probably thought we might have doubted you getting here, but I never did. I knew you would find your way in your own time. Baby sister, I am proud of you for doing something that most people don't do. I am proud of you for developing into a young woman that you are proud of. This next journey of yours is nothing like you have ever experienced, but I am confident that you have all the knowledge and support to get through it. Don't forget how you were raised, or the things you heard through Dad's classic lectures as you go off on your own. I think that the challenging part of you going to college, in my eyes, is not knowing which parts of it you are going to get. Whether it is the financial struggles, dating struggles, academic struggles... I just can not be sure and I guess it scares me that I cannot protect you. I cannot be the protection that you looked for when you came in my room on those stormy nights that terrified you. I cannot be right there when you need me to be, I would just have to visit when I can or FaceTime. The challenging part is...I cant take on the things that might hurt you over the next four years because you have to make mistakes and learn lessons of your own. I love you, sissy, and I look forward to experiencing your first of many graduations with you. 

Bree

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