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He. Has. Baggage.


How do you deal with loving someone that has baggage? This isn't necessarily a question for me, but it is a question that I have in general. So, if a man comes to you prior to developing anything with you and makes you aware of his shortcomings/insecurities/etc. and you choose to move forward and try to pursue something, are you at fault for all that might occur afterwards? I ask myself these questions every so often because, although I was made aware, some things that occurred within my interaction with this man were not anticipated. Although someone says that they have problems with commitment, does that give them an excuse to treat you like shit or lie to you? I would think that... if I am making a person aware of my shortcomings, then I am making them aware with hopes of establishing something with them and attempting to be better. I knew the challenges that this man faced based on how much he told me, but he left me out of the loop on a lot of things. He waited until I got twirled up in his world and until I ripped my own heart out of my body and placed it in his hands to show who he really was, but it was too late because I had grown to love him. So, how do you deal with the baggage, again? The baggage that I played a part in allowing to become my baggage because he appeared to be a decent man if I could just "tweak" him. And then... I continue to struggle with this idea even more because I consider the fact that WE ALL HAVE BAGGAGE, and what makes my baggage more tolerable than his. What makes me more together than him or more fit to tell him anything about being a decent human being and I continue to make mistakes just like him. So, I go even further and ask... what is grounds for me to leave then? Because, if I have baggage myself, I wouldn't want anyone to leave me, so how can I leave him. There is this tug of war and argument between myself about whether my self-worth is being questioned, whether there is nothing to question at all, whether I am exaggerating, or was this God's plan in the first place? The only thing that I can be sure of is that he has baggage and he has attached his little hands onto me leaning towards me and calling on me for guidance. Although he breaks my heart at times, and he can look in my eyes and know he's doing it the whole step of the way, I still love him. I still have this desire to fix him, and I still want him, and I still pray for him to change.. not only for himself, but for me so that we can work and come together and grow to ultimately create this beautiful family. He is mine. I have been lied to, somewhat cheated on, rejected, denied, avoided, anything that you can really do wrong in a relationship, he has done... I love him more than I thought I would, and I experience the things that I experience from him questioning whether it will be the same. I continue to be a toy dummy for him for the simple fact I know he needs somebody like me to guide him in the right direction. Because, those women before me showed you the incorrect way to love, to show affection, to be a mate... and here comes my tough ass... my strict ass... my opinionated ass... my loving ass showing you the things that you need and I just cannot leave. Sometimes, getting out of situations like this may appear to be common sense, but only if you know how difficult it is when you are actually in these shoes. 


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