Skip to main content

Love Is...


Love is... my greatest weakness. Love is... my greatest success and greatest failure. Because, when love is kind to me... Briahna is at her best. Briahna is always smiling, there is nothing but positivity in my life, I am at my best and achieving the most. But, when love is mean to me... everything that was once beautiful becomes ugly and my life becomes dark. It is me versus everyone and everything and it is me going from strong to weak. It is.... me going from being the brightest star in the sky to the mud underneath someone's shoes.

I like to think that we have multiple examples of love in our lives. Whether it is that first early stage of love where we establish some type of foundation for what love is. Or, maybe it is that love that we thought was everlasting, but gravitated towards being toxic? And... then there is that love that you apply all those lessons you learned into and this just might be the one that results in the kids and marriage. I like to believe that I've gotten to the type of love that is in that third stage. Sterling and Ryan are one of my favorite couples that I see, regardless of it just being my perception, how they give off their love is inspirational and commendable and I aspire to get something that beautiful.

I spent the last few months dating someone that wanted to "go with the flow". I fell for someone that entertained other women, ignored me on occasion, spent nights partying when he should've been with me, and abused me emotionally. We never really had a title, so I guess he was free to do whatever he pleased, but that didn't make the things that he did hurt any less. I knew he had problems before I got involved with him, but us women love to think that we can change these boys/men into being who we want them to be when they are actually going to change when THEY see fit. It took me until now to realize that he was going to change for the woman that he truly wanted to be with, and if that wasn't me, it would hurt... but that's my reality. A few days ago, I decided to try something different and test the waters since he couldn't do and be better for me. And, then here comes him saying I love you for the first time and the changes that I've been wanting. The moment I saw the "I love you", I wanted to drop whoever and whomever for him and get things back up and going, but I look at myself now questioning whether that is the right or wrong thing to do? I fell in love with someone that wasn't really prepared to love me how he needed to, but he's spent all this time learning how to do so and I wonder if I continue to wait? Because... those women before me, they damaged him and made him incapable of handling for the longest time and the fact that he was able to grow to love me and fight for me when that isn't in his nature means a lot to me. I ... look back on our journey and love has been harsh, honest, and mean because he didn't know what love really was. But, our love is growing to be kind, realistic, and strong through all those obstacles and I came to realize that I want to make it work. I usually am the one with the damage to repair, so I guess God gave me a taste of my own medicine.

Why does it take seeing me with another man to fix things? Or maybe he just never thought I'd walk away after all he put me through, and ... I guess that was enough to get us on the track that we needed to be. I love this man and I never thought I'd see or feel love again. I fought for this man, and I swore I would never fight for another man again because the last man that I fought for took advantage. My heart was open and ready to find a new home prior to meeting him, and now he holds it and is just now learning how to care for it, along with his own.

Our love is... unique and chill. Our love is random and difficult. Our love is private and complicated, and I guess we make it work for us. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Popular Posts

Girl friendssssss !!!!

Girlfriends was by far one of the best television shows that I grew up watching, and still watch to this day... and when I think about the type of women/social circle that I would like to be around, Joan, Toni, Mya, and Lynn is exactly what it would look like. I remember starting off the sixth grade and traveling up until high school with a huge social circle filled with all these different types of girls and young women with varied personalities, values, and beliefs. Throughout that time, my social circle remained large, but there were some tweaks here and there and some people were not meant to last. What I mean is, we outgrow some relationships, we drain out some relationships, and we sometimes stop putting forth the effort to keep up effective relationships. Over the course of those years, I developed a lot of meaningful relationships and developed a slight sense of what type of people I wanted to be surrounded by. One of the major adjustments that I had throughout graduat...
Post a Comment
Read more

Facebook Chronicles.

My post had over 250 comments and 18 shares as of writing this blog. So, all different types of men come in my dms messaging me with different purposes. I've gotten nudes in my messages, wanna-be thugs, nerds, mixtapes, drama, and all these other things in my messages, but today was the ultimate breaking point for me. This guy, who has been trying to get with me for years, came in my messages trying to talk to me, which I denied, and he in return got potty within the mouth and said some disrespectful things to me. There were a few reasons why I shared the messages on Facebook and Snapchat that I really want to share. For starters, there are right and wrong ways to approach women when you come in their direct messages. I don't know how other people were raised, but meeting and talking to people online is already something sketchy because you don't really have a sure perception of how this person is through something where we can be who we want to be. Behind computer scr...
Post a Comment
Read more

How Do You Go About Letting People Go?

The past few days, people have been trying me, yet I have provided them with opportunities to change that. Today, I decided to take the initiative to cut off my "best friend" due to her no longer being fit to have that role anymore. Was the decision hard? Far from it. I say that... if you allow people the opportunity to come back into your life from a previous mishap, and they did not learn from it from not having you present in their life then, then they are not fit to be a part of your life. I do not grieve over losses of people in that manner anymore because I make decisions that are going to be best for me. If it is best for me to cut ties with people that I have known for years, so be it. Whether it is friends, family, whoever... because you will not have a place in my life where you choose to be toxic. We are not going to speak on the countless nights where you called and I was the only one there to talk to. We are not going to speak on how you questioned whether you w...
Post a Comment
Read more