So, what do you do when someone comes to you about something concerning you and the person you are involved with? Let that question simmer. Today, I was having a normal conversation with one of my girl friends and, in the mix, the person that I was involved with got mentioned and there went my heart racing. One of the things that I do when I meet somebody is spend a lot of time asking questions about the past, current, and future in hopes of preventing situations like that from happening. And throughout the process of dating, I have learned to make myself more approachable in a way where the other person feels comfortable not lying and talking to me. I do this in the beginning because I never want to be caught off guard when it comes to someone that I am with. No one should be able to tell me where my man has been, who he is with, what he is doing.... before I know it, because then you go through that moment where you feel stupid. Anyways, I had to confront him on the situation and I look back on it now sort of proud because I matured in the way that I handle my problems. The old me, would have jumped to conclusions and cursed him out from the jump before even getting the information, but... I did not do that. I am a grown woman. What I did was text him and ask if there was anything that he needed to tell me BEFORE someone else told me. In return, he called and I asked that same question again. When it took him a minute to respond, I did not yell. I did not curse, I did not get violent. I just waited for him to respond. I think that it was important for me to give him the opportunity to talk about it before I heard it from somebody else because we have a problem as a generation with jumping to conclusions. I did not get mad about anything before I heard him talk. Take notes. Through giving him that opportunity to defend himself and talk, little did I know that I prepared myself to handle the news better than I would have if I would've been told it prior to him talking to me. I look back and realize that God dragged my friend telling me that information because I needed to hear my guy, first. I needed to let him say what it is that he had to say without jumping down his throat off the bat. See, the thing about third parties is that, most of the time... the information that they have are assumptions, partial-truths, and/or lies. Because... these third parties never get their information through the people actually in the relationship, yet they have so much power when they come to one of us about something pertaining to the other. Why, though? We don't like to be embarrassed and we don't like to hear bad things about the people that we share our time, heart, body, and everything else with. We like to believe that our partners are perfect and trust that they are doing right by us, but when these third parties come with their information.... all of that changes. I was a bit bothered by what I heard, but the time we spent together and the love that I developed for him outweighed the partial-truth that I heard. Although this was a friend of mine and I probably shouldn't have entertained it in the manner that I did, I still needed to know what is going around, blind to me, about my man. I needed to know from his mouth if he was the guy that I wake up to in the mornings, if he was the guy that I planned a possible future with... I just needed to know from the actual source what it was and what it wasn't so that I could move accordingly. When you don't give your partner the chance to talk when these situations come up, that is where failure can arise. That is where they can shut down, because if you come at them upset and guarded prior to them opening their mouths, they wont see a point in talking to you or being truthful. I think I went through a trying experience tonight, but I also think that I went about that trying experience properly.
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