Skip to main content

Public Vs. Private


When you're young, validating your relationship through others is a natural habit. It's not like we purposefully broadcast every aspect of our relationship with the intention of having people envious of us.... we just want to show that we have SOMEBODY. I used to be the type to be bothered by not being on my partner's social media because we live in a point in time where, if you aren't on it.... people view that as that person being sneaky and talking to multiple people at once. It took me growing up to realize that was not the case for everybody. I walked into my new situation wanting something different for myself and expecting different from my partner. I strived to not walk into another situation where every aspect of my relationship was known to others, where their thoughts on what I had going on had power, or where I felt the need to act accordingly in the relationship for the sake of keeping this perfect perception. Even though I was 100% invested into my last relationship, I also invested into the people outside the relationship as well, and I shouldn't have. With someone new.... we naturally fell into this way of talking where things are lowkey. There is no social media, no confiding in others on campus about what were going through, there is no need to conform to what others expect from us... it is just me and him and I like things better that way. When he is laying in my bed sleeping his best, no one needs to know. When he is confiding about his fears and dreams, no  one needs to know. When we go out on dates, Snapchat or Facebook doesn't need to see. When you get to a point in your dating life when you no longer feel the need to be validated through others... you're onto something. One of the main reasons why I didn't leave my last relationship sooner than I did was because the people outside the relationship had enough power to make me fear who and what I would be without him. I feared how people would look at me without his name attached to mine and what could I possibly have to offer outside of being in this "perfect" relationship. I thought I knew it all as a girlfriend, but I learned more about life, people, and relationships being a single woman. I learned how to be a better partner through experiencing heartbreak and the single life. And... as I present myself to someone else, I feel ready because I learned these simple things, and I just might have something better than I thought I would have ever had. 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Popular Posts

Girl friendssssss !!!!

Girlfriends was by far one of the best television shows that I grew up watching, and still watch to this day... and when I think about the type of women/social circle that I would like to be around, Joan, Toni, Mya, and Lynn is exactly what it would look like. I remember starting off the sixth grade and traveling up until high school with a huge social circle filled with all these different types of girls and young women with varied personalities, values, and beliefs. Throughout that time, my social circle remained large, but there were some tweaks here and there and some people were not meant to last. What I mean is, we outgrow some relationships, we drain out some relationships, and we sometimes stop putting forth the effort to keep up effective relationships. Over the course of those years, I developed a lot of meaningful relationships and developed a slight sense of what type of people I wanted to be surrounded by. One of the major adjustments that I had throughout graduat
Post a Comment
Read more

Facebook Chronicles.

My post had over 250 comments and 18 shares as of writing this blog. So, all different types of men come in my dms messaging me with different purposes. I've gotten nudes in my messages, wanna-be thugs, nerds, mixtapes, drama, and all these other things in my messages, but today was the ultimate breaking point for me. This guy, who has been trying to get with me for years, came in my messages trying to talk to me, which I denied, and he in return got potty within the mouth and said some disrespectful things to me. There were a few reasons why I shared the messages on Facebook and Snapchat that I really want to share. For starters, there are right and wrong ways to approach women when you come in their direct messages. I don't know how other people were raised, but meeting and talking to people online is already something sketchy because you don't really have a sure perception of how this person is through something where we can be who we want to be. Behind computer scr
Post a Comment
Read more

How Do You Go About Letting People Go?

The past few days, people have been trying me, yet I have provided them with opportunities to change that. Today, I decided to take the initiative to cut off my "best friend" due to her no longer being fit to have that role anymore. Was the decision hard? Far from it. I say that... if you allow people the opportunity to come back into your life from a previous mishap, and they did not learn from it from not having you present in their life then, then they are not fit to be a part of your life. I do not grieve over losses of people in that manner anymore because I make decisions that are going to be best for me. If it is best for me to cut ties with people that I have known for years, so be it. Whether it is friends, family, whoever... because you will not have a place in my life where you choose to be toxic. We are not going to speak on the countless nights where you called and I was the only one there to talk to. We are not going to speak on how you questioned whether you w
Post a Comment
Read more