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Public Vs. Private


When you're young, validating your relationship through others is a natural habit. It's not like we purposefully broadcast every aspect of our relationship with the intention of having people envious of us.... we just want to show that we have SOMEBODY. I used to be the type to be bothered by not being on my partner's social media because we live in a point in time where, if you aren't on it.... people view that as that person being sneaky and talking to multiple people at once. It took me growing up to realize that was not the case for everybody. I walked into my new situation wanting something different for myself and expecting different from my partner. I strived to not walk into another situation where every aspect of my relationship was known to others, where their thoughts on what I had going on had power, or where I felt the need to act accordingly in the relationship for the sake of keeping this perfect perception. Even though I was 100% invested into my last relationship, I also invested into the people outside the relationship as well, and I shouldn't have. With someone new.... we naturally fell into this way of talking where things are lowkey. There is no social media, no confiding in others on campus about what were going through, there is no need to conform to what others expect from us... it is just me and him and I like things better that way. When he is laying in my bed sleeping his best, no one needs to know. When he is confiding about his fears and dreams, no  one needs to know. When we go out on dates, Snapchat or Facebook doesn't need to see. When you get to a point in your dating life when you no longer feel the need to be validated through others... you're onto something. One of the main reasons why I didn't leave my last relationship sooner than I did was because the people outside the relationship had enough power to make me fear who and what I would be without him. I feared how people would look at me without his name attached to mine and what could I possibly have to offer outside of being in this "perfect" relationship. I thought I knew it all as a girlfriend, but I learned more about life, people, and relationships being a single woman. I learned how to be a better partner through experiencing heartbreak and the single life. And... as I present myself to someone else, I feel ready because I learned these simple things, and I just might have something better than I thought I would have ever had. 
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