Skip to main content

I'm 21.... Now What?


God spares my life over and over even after the countless amounts of unthought out and idiotic decisions that I make. I chose to take Saturday to be irresponsible and be drunk on my ass, knowing the possible outcomes of it all, and I was still spared. I am unsure how I got home, how I got home safe with no scratches or bruises, but I did. A lot of people can go out and consciously do something idiotic and get punished for it, yet my punishment for it all was only a day of throwing up. Do you know how many people go out and get drunk and lose their awareness, but are harmed? Not necessarily as punishment, but simply harmed due to their state of mind, the people around them, or their environment.... I keep getting spared and I am not really sure if it is appropriate to ask why. Some people can go out and get crazy drunk and get themselves killed. The reality of it is, I could have been raped by some guy around me... I could've collapsed in the middle of the street instead of in someone's arms and gotten killed by a car. I could have woke up outside in an area I was unsure of with no one by my side. There are so many different things that could have happened to me, that happen to people everyday and God spared ME. I find it funny how us as people get multiple chances to redo some of the routes we took to get to the places we are in, yet most of us tend to take the same path to get to the same bad outcome up until that outcome becomes detrimental. Something like... my parents telling me to not do something and I go out and do it anyway just to spite them and end up in a sticky situation that I need them to bail me out of. You know? Why do we do that? Why do we think the way that we do? Make the decisions that we make. Why do things happen in the way that they happen, and I guess, why are some people dealt harder cards than others? I had an interesting conversation with a friend a week or so ago about how karma applies to all of this. I have always been a believer that everything comes around full circle, but the way that she put it was a different way of thinking that still troubles me. Basically, she was saying that we experience the things that we experience in our lives because of the decisions that we made prior to those bad things happening. My response to that was that, life freaking sucks. Let me explain.... I have always grown up saying that I want kids, but I have went through my share of experiences now to say that I am fearful of having kids, now due to how messed up this world is. There is rape, there are shootings, people getting stabbed, beaten.... there is so much harm around us every single day, with some of us spared, and some of us not, and I am fearful of bringing someone into this world to come to these same realizations and possibly deal with one, a few, or all of those things. This is a hard knock life. What I gathered from this conversation with her was that.... you could make a bad decisions earlier in life to harm someone, something, or the people around you and it will always come back to bite you in the ass in some way, shape, or form. You can go out and kill someone today, and not get caught in a sense where you are recognized for that crime and thrown in jail for it, but you could end up with AIDS 25 years from that point in time. I did not really have an open mind when I had this conversation, but I did understand to an extent what she was trying to say. I got drunk on my ass this past Saturday night and I cannot tell you anything about what I did or how I got home from my own recollection. I can only tell you things based on what I was told because I got so under the influence that I was not able to care for myself. I think that I went in hard and had a good time for the sake of celebrating my birthday, but I also think some fire was supposed to be put under my ass as well. I spent my whole Sunday throwing up, missed my favorite singer's concert, all because of that and I think me saying that I have no interest in picking up another bottle is the lesson I was supposed to get from it all. Because... we get too excited. We get too excited to get involved in troubling things and find positive things to be uneventful. I leave you all now with the thought, after saying all of this, with... how do we change this? 
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Popular Posts

Girl friendssssss !!!!

Girlfriends was by far one of the best television shows that I grew up watching, and still watch to this day... and when I think about the type of women/social circle that I would like to be around, Joan, Toni, Mya, and Lynn is exactly what it would look like. I remember starting off the sixth grade and traveling up until high school with a huge social circle filled with all these different types of girls and young women with varied personalities, values, and beliefs. Throughout that time, my social circle remained large, but there were some tweaks here and there and some people were not meant to last. What I mean is, we outgrow some relationships, we drain out some relationships, and we sometimes stop putting forth the effort to keep up effective relationships. Over the course of those years, I developed a lot of meaningful relationships and developed a slight sense of what type of people I wanted to be surrounded by. One of the major adjustments that I had throughout graduat
Post a Comment
Read more

Facebook Chronicles.

My post had over 250 comments and 18 shares as of writing this blog. So, all different types of men come in my dms messaging me with different purposes. I've gotten nudes in my messages, wanna-be thugs, nerds, mixtapes, drama, and all these other things in my messages, but today was the ultimate breaking point for me. This guy, who has been trying to get with me for years, came in my messages trying to talk to me, which I denied, and he in return got potty within the mouth and said some disrespectful things to me. There were a few reasons why I shared the messages on Facebook and Snapchat that I really want to share. For starters, there are right and wrong ways to approach women when you come in their direct messages. I don't know how other people were raised, but meeting and talking to people online is already something sketchy because you don't really have a sure perception of how this person is through something where we can be who we want to be. Behind computer scr
Post a Comment
Read more

How Do You Go About Letting People Go?

The past few days, people have been trying me, yet I have provided them with opportunities to change that. Today, I decided to take the initiative to cut off my "best friend" due to her no longer being fit to have that role anymore. Was the decision hard? Far from it. I say that... if you allow people the opportunity to come back into your life from a previous mishap, and they did not learn from it from not having you present in their life then, then they are not fit to be a part of your life. I do not grieve over losses of people in that manner anymore because I make decisions that are going to be best for me. If it is best for me to cut ties with people that I have known for years, so be it. Whether it is friends, family, whoever... because you will not have a place in my life where you choose to be toxic. We are not going to speak on the countless nights where you called and I was the only one there to talk to. We are not going to speak on how you questioned whether you w
Post a Comment
Read more