Thanks for putting me into the position to grow up and become a woman. Without our time spent, the mistakes and sacrifices made, those heartbreaks... I wouldn't have the mindset that I have now. The moment I brought you around my parents and started going back and forth with them about you, they told me that I was naïve and did not understand the journey that you were about to put me through. I defended you for years, and in turn, they ended up right about you. It was not until that second heartbreak..... the staying up late waiting for you to communicate, the tears behind your cheating, the slap to your face behind the laughing at my pain, that I was forced to no longer live in this fantasy land that I did not even know that I was in. I realized that... when you are in love, better yet, loving someone more than yourself... you go blind. What is common sense to a regular person about how you should be treated and what is acceptable stops being clear. What I mean is... they can cheat on you and you can seriously sit up contemplating fighting for this person despite their betrayal to you just because you are just that in love. You fear of starting over and you fear of losing them so much that you compromise your own worth knowing damn well that you were taught better than that. My parents taught me better a long time ago to not be anybody's fool and I was a fool for you for years. I allowed you to bury me into the ground and be sculpted into a world created by you, for you, and only you. A manipulator is what you are and I thank you for showing me that. I thank you for lying and not being man enough to say what it was that you want. I thank you for being selfish enough to hold onto me for all those years and allowing me to believe that we were going to be something that we were not. I do not have hatred towards you, anybody that comes to me about you will hear the same response each time... "I simply wish him well." Because, karma will do enough to you on its own if it has not got to you already. With you, I seen you do wrong first hand, yet I was still naïve in a sense where I stayed and bragged on you as if you could do no wrong. As if, we fought, but we were still perfect and the ideal couple. As I moved on from you, I was able to love me first... which was something I was able to learn through walking away from you. I was able to be brave.... because, coming back to school and saying I am leaving you, and blocking you without turning around and unblocking you was the hardest thing I could have ever done. Because, I wanted us to work. I fought years past due for us to work. Putting in effort for me, and doing your part, too. I learned..... how to respect myself in a sense where, the next man is not going to do this to me and if he does, I am not staying. There is no "I'll get to it.", "I promise.", or anything else that can get me to budge because a man will only do to you what you allow him to do. I allowed you to get out of line and become a devil towards me, and I appreciate you for finally presenting your true self to me. I appreciate the embarrassment that you caused me in a public eye because... people got to see me fall, and in turn, they have had a chance to see me grow, too. You broke me, but I put my own pieces back together. I didn't need your assistance. I didn't need you. I didn't need your permission. I didn't need your guidance. I did that stuff on my own and that was something I was not able to do. I breathed for you and thought that was how love was supposed to be... thank you for showing me the truth. I thank you for laughing it off when I stopped wanting life itself and turning your back on me, because I then got into a slump and fought a battle on my own and grew to be strong. You didn't fight for me, cry with me, hold me... nothing and that was more of a reality that I could have ever gotten. This was not a fantasy land and things in life could not always be perfect and people have the ability to cause a person that much damage. People can be THAT harmful and THAT detrimental and you cannot be blind to the fact that people can do bad and people are not perfect. You cannot be blind to the fact that people change no matter what all you have done for them or no matter how much you love them. You taught me those things. And... if I did not learn it then, I would have learned it later and those were lessons that I needed to learn early on. I appreciate you saying... "I don't think I am man enough for you". Because, those were words that ripped my heart out, but that was the realest thing that ever came out of your mouth. Not "I love you", because you couldn't have possibly. It was those words where you recognized that I deserved better, and you were not "better", and it was time for me to move on. The love that I felt was real for you, but the pain that you caused was even realer and I appreciate you placing that upon me so that I can be the woman that I am today. I am no longer living naively and in this fantasy land that never existed in the first place.
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